Conflicted! The Problem with Common Clirtesy

In my many enchanting endeavors, I have met many comical characters as one does when gracing the land as a gentleman. You see, a true gentleman sees more that meets the eye when examining those considered as the lesser people. Despite the popular stigma society has branded them with, a refined gentlemen tend to possess the ability to bypass the facade and see genuinely into people’s lives. Once we’re able to see within a person we learn their story and gain an understanding of their desired ending. Following this principle, I find it intriguing when encountering new people. Everyone has a story to tell and they are all so fascinating! I’m an interactive person and I love to engage with people and gauge them, this jaunty profiling for the most part is well received, but sometimes it’s not tolerated well which is understandable. Many people enjoy their space and any invasion of that space may result in some crude or awkward behavior.


wavingHowever, I am noticing a distinct pattern with every encounter. I’ve noticed that my actions and social interactions take me a lot further within my own gender versus the opposite sex. I found that to be very puzzling, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it started to make. Naturally, men have common interest such as sports, music, fashion, and the ironic denominator; women. Granted many women share these popular interests with men as well, but most do not posses the passion and in-depth knowledge that men do. The same rule applies to women also. A man may like pedicures and manicures as well, but I’m going with female preference for the win here. It’s also evident within the buddy system of the genders, men typically have male best friends and women typically have female best friends. Men typically have ‘guys nights out’ and women typically have ‘girls night out.’ I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s the internal innate understanding between the sexes that keeps the pendulum from swinging higher than the other…but what happens when you try to cross those dynamics? Well…I’ll let my prior experiences explain. As I’ve said earlier I am an interactive gentleman, meaning that I will be the one to wish you a, “Good afternoon!” and a, “How are you?” I will be the one to hold the door open for you if we are entering and exiting the same place and help you pick up items if dropped. I have done ALL of the aforementioned and then some with gracious intent towards the opposite sex and 6 times out of 10 they refuse to acknowledge my deed or thank me for it. At times they don’t even bat an eye and continue to go about their day. I have no issues with my deeds going unappreciated, because I am not in this for accolades and kudos. I know when I’ve done the right thing and that’s all the satisfaction I need. I do find it distasteful when my efforts are ignored and met with resentful resistence such as annoyed facial expressions. In my book this is the most uncivil action you can do to another person. I’ve experienced this quite a few times and every time it’s left me conflicted, why in the world am I not being recognized for taking my time out to assist? If my assistance is not required than all is well. Though the courtesy to alert me to the fact would be appreciated; in that I may bless you and continue on with my day. It relays a rudeness that is undeserved. This reaction to my gentleman like behavior happened to me again a week ago. For some insight and clarification, I took to having an intellectual conversation with a good female friend of mine, thankfully much insight was provided.


200140876-002Her explanation consisted of the culture shift of the current times. With the new independent female generation any generous interaction from a man to woman is perceived as flirting and not a simple act of kindness. This was more of a confirmation than a shock. I hear the current music on the radio and I have seen the current shows on the television; so it’s no surprise that a set number of women would feel that way. What does bring me some surprise is how stuck in their ways some women are about it. However she did go on to say she recognizes simple generosity but does not always acknowledge it. Which brings me right back to square one, why ignore it? Especially, when you KNOW that its not a cheap attempt to take advantage of a situation? The fact that some women confuse generosity with flirting is actually quite understanding due to its uncanny similarity to flirting. To know that a few women confuse generosity as an fearful avenue that will make them lower their guard and be taken advantage of is truly appalling. This type of thinking tells me that somewhere along a woman’s path a man came along and sodomized everything she thought she knew about men. This created a great disservice women leaving them to pick up the pieces; only to place them in a condensed order creating a disfigured idea of what she previously had. Courtship used to be a ritualistic ceremonious string of events to win the heart of another. In today’s world it has become a tool of carnal opportunity, which has crossed the boundaries of common courtesy planting negative seeds. Must I be negatively perceived every time I open a door and speak to a women with honest approach? Is this the missing button that comes with the $1200 dollar suit? Well…I bought into this life and I have no intentions of turning back now. I will continue to be a gentleman to the world around me no matter what the price may be. I suppose I just have to get used to being a  gentleman conflicted with common clirtesy.


Categories: Everyday LifeTags: , , , , ,


  1. Reblogged this on TheePerfectGentlemen and commented:

    Who hasn’t experienced this at one point and time.


  2. Very true. I think it’s got a lot to do with the music and tv.


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